She had her pictures taken this afternoon but before we could do that she HAD to have a haircut. She was starting to look like the reincarnation of one of the Beatles. She usually fusses a bit because the stylist has to spray her hair down and Baby Girl isn't big on water in her face. Today, she was GREAT. No fussing, no fighting. I even think she enjoyed herself.
So we get back to the house and she's sleepy but she knows she's having her picture taken at 3 so there is NO way she's going to sleep. After almost an hour, I made her get on the couch and at least lay down next to me and rest.
Needless to say, those girls at the photographers had to WORK for those smiles today. But, I think they got some really cute pictures. The last shot they took really got me. It was this little silhouette of just her face and I was struck to the core by how sweet she looked. Like an angel. That's when it hit me that she is going to be three tomorrow. Where did the time go? I can't believe it's already been three years. This time three years ago, I was scrambling around trying to decorate the house for the ex's birthday because he'd made a big fuss that evening because I hadn't planned anything. Regardless of the fact that I was technically due at any moment and had been through one pre-term labor scare and was supposed to be "resting" as much as possible, right? So, I stayed up half of the night getting the house ready for his birthday. *pats self on the head* At least I figured it out eventually.
So, I finally crawled into bed around 2:30am and my water broke at 5:30am. I knew this because my ex woke up (for some reason) and went into the living room to smoke. I woke up thinking, "all of that work and he's going to ruin my surprise." Then I felt it. I walked (very carefully) into the living room and said, "honey, I think my water broke." His response was, "are you sure?" *laugh* I don't know why, but for some reason I had that picture in my head of the husband jumping up out of his chair, rushing out the door for the car, in his underwear upon hearing those words. Needless to say, I think we were both too sleepy to do that. *giggle*
Upon realizing that we were going to have a baby for ex's birthday, I also realized that the house was a WRECK because I had decorated it from top to bottom (told you I was up most of the night) for his birthday. Somewhat crazy but very logically, I decided to go ahead and clean things up before we left for the hospital. Now, remember, my water broke at 5:30. We called the hospital and they were like, "COME ON IN." I cleaned up the house, took a shower, got dressed and finally, around 7:00am, we were on our way. We lived 40 minutes from the hospital (we'd moved two weeks before - thanks ex) but, miraculously, ran into no traffic. AMAZING, when you consider it was 7am on a Friday.
Things went amazingly smooth at the hospital. I had WONDERFUL nurses and very few problems. Baby girl was born at 2:38pm on Friday, September 6, 2002.
Regardless of the events after her birth and how quickly her father deteriorated into a raving madman, for that brief moment, we were a family in every sense of the word. It was the best day of my life. I will forever look back on that day and thank God that He brought her into my life.
I can't believe this precious little girl calls me "Mommy". I pray every day that I have the courage to be anything close to what she needs and that, through my being her Mother, she grows into a wonderful young woman.
I pray that God will gift her with the foresight that saves her the heartache I have had to experience by loving too much and taking my empathy for others' pain and turning it into trying to save them from the consequences of their bad decisions. That I would get my own hopes and ambitions out of the way when she is ready to take those first steps out of the nest because, if I've done my job, she has what she needs to make those decisions on her own. I love. I hope. I pray.
God, this precious little girl doesn't belong to me. You have entrusted this most precious little miracle to me and I humbly ask that you keep her in your sights. That you would strengthen my heart when I feel weak. That you would bolster my courage when I feel afraid and that you would keep giving me days like today when I catch glimpses of that tiny baby in that little girl's smile. Amen.
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