The power of a clean house

I know I've posted before of my love affair with a clean house.

The events of the past week made it a perfect time to scrub this house from top to bottom.

Life is a lot like my house. It entails a lot of coming and going and so, despite sweeping and dusting on a regular basis, every now and then you have to make time to wipe down baseboards, clean the oven and scrape away the grime that just builds up from regular use.

I think scrubbing floors on my hands and knees, oiling and polishing my beautiful, beat up antique table to a shine was just the healing balm I needed today to clear my thoughts.

Tonight, I am laying on the couch, tired from today's efforts but feeling more at peace then I have in a while.

Who knew squeaky floors could be so therapeutic? I wonder if there is a scripture about the power of cleaning?

*laugh*

The problem with grief

I like tidy. Messy bothers me.

The problem with grief is that it is extraordinarily messy. It spills over the edges of my compartmentalized emotional filing system. It refuses to stay in its tidy little box.  Everything grief touches is then tinged with gray.

I was overcome twice today.  Once because I thought I saw him and once because Kali jumped up on the bed and he always follows her. Until now.

I imagine making a different choice. Did I do the insulin right? Maybe he just needed a weekend of fluids at the vet. Maybe he would still be with me. *sigh*

I know this kind of thinking is counterproductive but part of the process. He was part of my life a significant portion of my adult years. It is natural I grieve him.

So friends, while I know there will be posts about life in crazyville, Princess Crybaby and Munchkin, it is highly likely you will go through this process with me.

And I promise to try and keep the edges tidy as I am trying to shove this messy heartbroken thing back into its box.

Goodbye

To my sweet kitty, Oscar.

Today was the day we decided you'd suffered enough. You weren't responding to the insulin, you were dehydrated and your body temperature was low. You followed me down the hall this morning and let me hold you in the chair; something you haven't done since before we moved.

You were saying goodbye.

For almost 13 years you have been my friend.  You sat with me in the dark closet, when I needed a place to hide. You sang to me because you knew I liked it. You were content to let Kali be the alpha because you knew you were my favorite.

And now you are gone.

I miss you already.

I don't know how Kali will deal with the death of her mate. I will try to help her through it and not lose her too. 

I knew this day would come but I don't think you can be ready for it.

I held your face in my hands as you died.

My heart hurts.

Goodbye sweet kitty. I will never forget you. I will listen for your song but never hear it.

You will always be with me.

Sisters

*happysigh*

I have the.prettiest babies.