his name...

...is Riley James.  He would have been born around Mother's Day.  *sigh*  I don't think I'll ever get over this.  There is this enormous gash on my heart where this horrible thing happened to us and, while in my head I have peace, my heart is so broken. 

Two of my newer friends have experienced tragic loss of brand new babies in recent weeks and my sorrow for them is like ash in my mouth. 

There is so much joy in my life it confuses me to have these moments that, out of the blue, come and take my breath away.  Cold washes through me and I remember the loss.  It is like an old injury that continues to heal and everything is healing well and then you twist a certain way and the pain spears you as if you'd just been injured.  Does that make sense?

I'm rambling. 

I'm going to go have lunch with my mentee child.  It always cheers me up.  Then, I'm going to see my husband.  His sweet face always makes me smile.

SO ready for the holidays

Ready for a little time away.  

On another note, I'm renting a carpet cleaner today and I'm going to clean the house if it takes all night.  I want the carpet clean before the new furniture is delivered and I want the house in order before we decorate for Christmas.