when a pink butterfly is actually a wake-up call.

Tonight, in the mall, we passed by a man, dressed as a clown, selling balloon animals and flowers.  We were on our way to Santa so I told Munchkin we'd come back on the way out.  WE went to see Santa, secured our annual cute (but overpriced) pictures with the jolly Elf and headed back.  Wanting to be true to my word, we stopped at the balloon man and Munchkin began to look at the different choices. 

Initially, she chose a little black mouse.  I second-guessed her and asked if she wouldn't rather pick a different color so he could draw on it too.  She ended up choosing a pink butterfly; something totally different from her original choice.  The man with the balloons looked me dead in the eye and said, "in my experience, when they are able to make a sound decision, it is best to back away and let them.  After all, one of these days she'll bring home a boy you don't like." 

I was a little put off by a man, dressed as a clown, handing out unsolicited parenting advice. 

She took her pink butterfly and we moved on in the mall.  I think she held it about 10 seconds before handing it to us to hold.  Just like that, this little thing she'd been so excited about before was relegated to a forgotten thing in a bag.  I think it's still in the car. 

So, here I am, at 3:30am feeling convicted about what the man said and wondering at what point decisions like picking the "right" balloon animal became so important as to merit input from her mother. 

Looking at this event, while minor and probably gone from Munchkin's consciousness, it echoes other events and times when my "help" may have been more of a hindrance than good.  It may be a bit of a parents' prerogative to be heavy-handed from time to time but tonight smacked of that type of helicopter parenting I despise. 

Did I hurt Munchkin tonight with my meddling?  No, of course not.  It was a two dollar balloon butterfly.  But, could my meddling hurt Munchkin in the long run if I do not establish more consistent boundaries for my guidance - quite possibly.  We certainly see the spoiled, helpless, nearing-adult children at the high school who are direct results of heavy-handed "mommy knows best" parenting. 

Lord, forgive me for straying too close to a type of parent I don't want to be.  Forgive me for butting in on a decision that should have been Munchkin's alone.  Help me set consistent expectations for Munchkin, give her the right tools and God-centered guidance and then back away so she can make her own decisions.  Help me have discernment to know when she needs my input and when she can make choices on her own.  Thank you for people bold enough to admonish a total stranger.  Amen.

So, what are my expectations for Munchkin? 

1. Be safe at all times. (thanks Mom)


2. Do your very best at school.


3. Be respectful of adults.


4. Be kind to others.

How will I help her meet those expectations?

1. Keep up my commitment to previewing what she watches on TV to make sure it's giving her messages that are consistent with our expectations for her behavior.  While the Disney channel shows she has begun watching are entertaining and G-rated, I don't know if they reinforce the messages we are trying to send.  I will talk to Munchkin and those shows will be off the playlist for a while.


2. Renew my commitment to spending quality time with Munchkin every day; reading, playing, and just spending time with the coolest kid in the world.


3. Create an environment where it is safe to make bad decisions, learn from them and make good decisions the next time.


4. Let myself off the hook because I'm still learning too and am bound to make mistakes. 

so I don't forget

Caleb Peter Corley - boy

Brady Reece Corley - boy

Tucker Carson Corley - boy

Emory Hope Corley - girl

Elizabeth Hope Corley - girl

Katy Piper Corley - girl

Claire Catherine - girl

cold, rainy, dreary

It's cold and soggy and COLD.  LOL

Actually, it's really NOT that cold - it's just wet so it feels colder.  Still, it would be a good night for a fire but, of course, I ran out of logs for the fire this weekend and didn't pick any up so..... no fire tonight. 

My hair hurts.  It's been in a bun most of the afternoon and the weight is beginning to pull a little.  how odd - my hair hasn't been long enough for that in a very long time. 

A lot of Christmas shopping is already finished so I feel a certain sense of satisfaction.  I also know, though, that I'll continue to to "graze" (shop) right up until the big day.  I still have to shop for Matt and my mother and my secret family member (not tellin'), a gift for the office xmas thing and my mentee. 

Still not sure if we're doing the whole Christmas card thing this year.  I'd really like to but gosh I am still working on thank you notes from the wedding!  YIKES!  I swear I'll get all of them done over the holiday - we just haven't had a spare moment.  *sigh* 

I guess we'll be doing well to get a christmas card done...  Maybe we'll do those little picture cards from wal-mart.  Hmmm.. We have to take a picture for the soccer program - maybe we can double up and do Christmas too - it'll just be an outfit change...  LOL

Family.  Gotta love it.

his name...

...is Riley James.  He would have been born around Mother's Day.  *sigh*  I don't think I'll ever get over this.  There is this enormous gash on my heart where this horrible thing happened to us and, while in my head I have peace, my heart is so broken. 

Two of my newer friends have experienced tragic loss of brand new babies in recent weeks and my sorrow for them is like ash in my mouth. 

There is so much joy in my life it confuses me to have these moments that, out of the blue, come and take my breath away.  Cold washes through me and I remember the loss.  It is like an old injury that continues to heal and everything is healing well and then you twist a certain way and the pain spears you as if you'd just been injured.  Does that make sense?

I'm rambling. 

I'm going to go have lunch with my mentee child.  It always cheers me up.  Then, I'm going to see my husband.  His sweet face always makes me smile.

SO ready for the holidays

Ready for a little time away.  

On another note, I'm renting a carpet cleaner today and I'm going to clean the house if it takes all night.  I want the carpet clean before the new furniture is delivered and I want the house in order before we decorate for Christmas. 

 

The Benefits of Crying

You know, I used to have "rainy day" playlists.  I think we've all had them - the playlists you play on rainy days (either real or in your head) - they are slow and a little sad and encourage self-reflection or they nurse a droopy mood. 

Well, yesterday I put a new rainy day list together.  And while to the idle listener it might sound similiar to others I've made this was vastly different.  These songs, while beautiful, are meant to remind me where my focus should remain - in spite of sorrow. 

I thought I'd share that playlist:

Held - Natalie Grant
Our Hope Endures - Natalie Grant
With Hope - Steven Curtis Chapman (recorded after the death of his daughter)
If You Could See Me Now - Mandisa (a song about heaven)
The Giving - Michael W. Smith
The Journey - Steven Curtis Chapman
Be Still and Know - Steven Curtis Chapman

I know this time will pass and we'll move on.  Yes, I am terribly disappointed but I stand firm on God's promises for us. 

Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now Faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see."  To this we cling.

A friend shared a picture of heaven where all the children who have been lost will be waiting for their parents.  I like that picture. 

*sigh*

I always know

...when 2 o'clock has rolled past because I want to sleep.  Like lay down under my desk and sleep. 

that is all.

Thursday Book Post

Whether you usually read off of your own book pile or from the library shelves NOW, chances are you started off with trips to the library. (There’s no way my parents could otherwise have kept up with my book habit when I was 10.) So … What is your earliest memory of a library? Who took you? Do you have you any funny/odd memories of the library?

My earliest memory of the library would have to be the little Belton public library or the Central Elementary Library.  I still attend the same church as the librarian.  She may not even remember me after all these years but I wonder sometimes if she realizes she remains one of my favorite people in the world because she helped me discover so many wonderful books. 

Then there is the library at Belton Junior High, where I discovered books like Valentine (I think that was the name) or Beauty: a retelling of Beauty and the Beast by Robin McKinley. 

The high school library was a source of research when I went on a kick about the 1960s. 

I remember crying the first time I ever stepped into the library at UMHB - I'd never seen so many books.  Imagine feeling that way all over again as a freshman at Baylor University.  The library at Baylor held a singular fascination for me - their enormous collection of opera on video and videodiscs (remember those things - like giant DVDs).

I have always had a love affair with books.  My entire life, they offer a free (or nearly) escape from whatever else was happening in my life.  And libraries were the gateway to getting my hands on those little vacations until I could afford to haunt wonderful places like Barnes & Nobles, Books-a-Million or Book People.

*yawn*

I could use a nap.  It IS 4pm, after all... 

 

that's all.

things I've learned

Added a new page.  I'm sure this list will grow.  :)

Projects that aren't mine but become mine

You KNOW how much I love those. 

another post about reading

“This can be a quick one. Don’t take too long to think about it. Fifteen books you’ve read that will always stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes.”

1. Through a Glass Darkly


2. Book Thief (I wept.  I laughed.  I wept some more.)


3. Thirteenth Tale


4. Books of Rachel


5. Neverwhere


6. Fairy Haven & the Quest for the Wand - the first long chapter book I read Munchkin


7. Goodnight Moon


8. The Hobbit


9. Lord of the Rings (trilogy)


10. Book of a Thousand Days


11. The Second Coming of Lucy Hatch (the way she has to totally rebuild her life after the sudden death of her husband rang so familiar)


12. Breathing Room (although this is a silly chick-lit novel, it was perfectly timed with events happening in my life)


13. Eve: a Novel of the First Woman


14. The Witching Hour


15. A Clockwork Orange (not because I enjoyed it but because of the controversy it caused in my household)

 

Is there a book that you wish you could “unread”? One that  you disliked so thoroughly you wish you could just forget that you ever read it?

Pillars of the Earth.  I hated it.  absolutely HATED it.  Threw it in the kitchen trash.  I have NEVER thrown away a book.  If it wasn't against fire code, I would have BURNED it. 

a post about reading

Reading something frivolous? Or something serious?

Depends on my mood.  I'm currently reading The History of Love by Nicole Krauss and it's touching and beautiful and poignant.  It is laced with a lot of humor but it's not the side-splitting "har har" stuff... 

Paperbacks? Or hardcovers?

doesn't matter

Fiction? Or Nonfiction?

fiction - definitely.  non-fiction generally loses me somewhere after the lengthy acknowledgements... *yawn*

Poetry? Or Prose?

Prose

Biographies? Or Autobiographies?

biographies - generally somebody on the outside looking in is not as defensive

History? Or Historical Fiction?

historical fiction

Series? Or Stand-alones?

You know, that's a funny one because I say it doesn't matter but then find myself REALLY disappointed to come to the end of a WONDERFUL read only to realize that's it... 

Classics? Or best-sellers?

Best sellers.  I find the classics demand a more dedicated pursuit than I am able to commit most of the time.

Lurid, fruity prose? Or straight-forward, basic prose?

fruity, baby!  I like the juicy details that paint the picture for me.  Stark prose doesn't pull as much. 

Plots? Or Stream-of-Consciousness?

definitely plots.  stream of consciousness makes me dizzy. 

Long books? Or Short?

depends on how good it is.  You know what I mean by this too - good books you want to go on forever.  Bad books, you're thankful when they are short. 

Illustrated? Or Non-illustrated?

I love the trend toward the graphic novel.  Affirms those pictures in my head. 

Borrowed? Or Owned?

Owned.  I dread loaning my books out (even though I do it all the time) and am terrible about becoming attached to a story or characters and assimiliating a really good find into my collection.  As a result, I very rarely borrow.

New? Or Used?

doesn't matter AS LONG as they aren't written in.  I can't STAND writing in books!!!!  (yes, I've done it but it makes my heart ache to deface a book; even if it's mine and it's a wonderful non-fiction resource)

taking this into consideration

I've made no secret that I want a new couch.  I looked enviously at my brother and sister-in-law's new leather couches.  The kittehs make a VERY good point.  I think I will reconsider leather.

Hmmm....

WOW! Post

Read THIS POST by my friend, Sarah, on Weekly Family Meetings, then come back over here.  Definitely worth a read for moms and dads. 

 

Coach & I remarked LAST NIGHT how frazzled we feel.  We constantly run 600 miles per hour and in 1000 different directions.  With football and school for him, Munchkin's gymnastics and now her part in the THS play and my involvement in the show at the Civic theater, we've noticed a sharp decline in the amount of quality time we're spending together as a family. 

This is a critical time for our family because we are still all adjusting to this wonderful new family thing and those opportunities to spend time together and just "be" together are really important.  While I'm greatly enjoying the show at TCT (I can do so few), it sucks up a lot of my time.  The good news is the show will open in three weeks, run for two weekends and be finished.  I won't do another one for at least another year so my nightly time drain will be gone.

weathering the storms

Jesus Calms the Storm (Matthew 8:23-28)

 ²³Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. ²⁴Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. ²⁵The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!"

 ²⁶He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.

 ²⁷The men were amazed and asked, "What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!"

 

"Teacher, don't you care if we drown?" (Mark 4:38b)

You know, I was thinking about this story this morning.  Oftentimes, I think Jesus allows the waves to nearly overwhelm our fragile little boats, just to remind us 1. how powerful the world HE created is and 2. that we MUST have faith in his promises.  It seems perfectly apparent to us the waves are going to crash over the sides of our boat and we will drown in the world's problems, illnesses, financial problems, family crisis - you name it.  But, just like in this story, we are like the disciples who forget that the Creator of the Universe is in the boat with us. 

So, when those waves that occasionally rise up and threaten to crash our little boat perhaps, instead of freaking out and running to Jesus asking if he cares if we drown, we should stop and look for the learning opportunity - perhaps God has allowed this storm to come up because, in our pride, we've become overconfident and cocky in our approach to life.  Perhaps it is a way for God to get our attention and remind us we are not capable of steering the ship into anything but rocks (or a watery grave).  It's my hope that whether Jesus calms the wind and waves surrounding our little boat or not, He'll always be with us - with us as we weather the storm.  (Hebrews 11:1) 

 

update

it's raining.

Know what?

...I'm hungry

Know what else?  I'm sleepy.

Ok, that is all.

return to the blogosphere

Life gets so busy, sometimes it's hard to find time to put two words together (that aren't related somehow to work). 

Life in Crazyville is good.  Busy, but very good.  Some days I feel totally covered up by all the obligations that claim my time but, in the midst, is a quiet happy that surrounds our little family. 

I think we're beginning to settle into a routine of family and, while it is very busy all. the. time, we enjoy the time we have together immensely and there is a lot of laughter. 

Munchkin has begun acting like an "OMGosh, Mooooooooooom" age girl.  She's very independent and opinionated and, while that's the kind of strength that will help her later in life, it's pretty teeth-gritting right now.  Molding that strong will promises to be a challenge but certainly one I'm up for. 

She is a delight (when she's not rolling her eyes).  She's reading and she loves school.  Her teacher is young and lively but she's got a lot of experience.  I love her.  She's firm without being harsh and I think Munchkin's in love with her.  (which makes life oh-so-much-easier)

Ah, work.  Work is good.  NUTZO - all. the. time.  You know, I like job security but somedays it's a bit much even for me.  Don't get me wrong - we're making incredible progress and I love my job.  Really.  I do have one of the coolest jobs in the district; if I say so myself. 

Well, the coolest job in the district summons me.  Back to it. 

later, gators.

11 days

Not that we're counting but it is 10 days, 14 hours, 27 minutes, 51 seconds...50 seconds...49....ok, I'll stop....

LOL

We are SO excited.  Everything is ready.  I can't sleep.  I can hardly make myself eat (it's too hot anyway!) and my hair is flat all the time.  (I think that's actually the heat's fault too.)

Oh, yeah, it's summer in Texas, y'all..  What EVER possessed us to do this whole down the aisle in 50 yards of heavy is BEYOND me.  It'll be perfect.  I know I don't make any sense.  Isn't that par for the course? 

I have these lists going in my head but I barely scratched the surface of getting them on paper.  Maybe I want something to do right before the BIG DAY.  You know, I can't be TOO relaxed; that wouldn't make any sense.  ROFL 

I am such a lunatic.

I'm happy - can you tell?

Tonight, Matt & I went over to Mom's house for dinner.  I drug mom through the water sprinkler with me.  I'm not kidding - do you know how great it felt?!  Then, I thought I would be cute and drag Matt through too.  Well, he picked me up, threw me over his shoulder and STOOD in the sprinkler.  THEN, he chased me across the yard with it.  Where I was just a little misted before, he THOROUGHLY drenched me.  It was HILARIOUS!

He's the greatest thing since sliced cheese I mentioned back in October.  Just in case you hadn't figured that out. 

*happy sigh*

I'd say I'm going to bed but Sims2 Castaway is calling my name.  I didn't play at all yesterday and it's beginning to nag...  I was so close to opening the ancient doors!!  Yes, I'm a dork. 

 

drivel

MPAA Rating:

PG-13 for brief war violence, sexual content, language and smoking.

 

Really? SMOKING is now making it into MPAA rating information?  ROFL

Whew...bye bye June!

I can't believe June is just about over...already!

Matt & I met with our pastor last night in what promises to be regular sessions as we close in on THE BIG DAY. 

Just about everything is planned.  I think.  *laugh*

Work is zooming along as a frantic pace.  Trying to get everything planned out around a little time off is maddening.  Whine, whine, whine

Ok, time to go to the gym and torture myself.  Have I mentioned how MUCH I hate working out??  It's all for the cause though and dangit if I'm not anything but motivated. 

Later, gators.

How long IS this list?!

*whew*

What a busy day!  I sent Matt home early, thinking I was going to bed early.  I promise I tried.  Really.  But here I am.  It's 10:20 and I'm finally starting to get all droopy-eyed and sleepy. 

Ok, so my creativity button must be in the "off" position.  I'll try and come up with something good tomorrow.

that weird sound cats make

kali is laying on the bed, giving herself a bath, and she makes this odd little noise when her nose gets too close to her skin.  it's like this snorting sound. 

I don't know - it's just WEIRD!  LOL

I need to write more thank you notes but I don't. want. to!!!

uh.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.  oh, sorry - I must have dozed off. 

yes, I am just. that. tired.

I'm listening to Ronnie Milsap.  Don't ask.  I'm not tellin' anyway.  LOL

'night, friends.  this was a totally useless post but I'm trying to get back into the habit of writing. 

NOw that summer is coming, I can write more. 

My feet are finally not hurting.  3 inch heels for 13 hours is a bit much. 

whine.

gripe

pout

.....

'night

rain, naps and dress fittings

Had my final fitting today for the dress.  They are putting a french bustle in the back, for the reception.  It's going to be great.  I can't wait for July. 

It rained a lot of the day, which was condusive to napping.  That was great because I still don't think I'm caught up from the week. 

Went to Washington D.C. for work this week.  It was a conference for the Safe Schools Grant the district was awarded by the gov't.  It was a REALLY good conference, actually.  I don't know how much new information I heard but it was nice to get some really good affirmation about our programs

probably

I think I miscarried today.  I started my period two weeks early and it's really heavy.  I would be three weeks pregnant.  Since I've always been like clockwork, this is the logical explanation.  These are normal and it doesn't mean I'll have trouble later on.  (webmd says 90% of healthy women have miscarried at least once and gone on to have a healthy pregnancy - we know I'm capable of carrying a pregnancy to term - she's sleeping in the other room.)

It wasn't time.  I had the IUD for over a year and this was the first full month of a normal cycle.  My uterus didn't have time to get back to normal from it's previously thinned out state.  There probably wasn't enough for the little embryo to latch on to.  So, my body let it go. 

I started having that heartburn stuff several days ago (during my trip) and I had WRETCHED heartburn when I was pregnant with Madison.  (thought I was going to breathe fire some days.)  I also know that on the plane ride back to Atlanta from D.C. Thursday morning, there was an infant that cried and cried and cried.  It could have triggered a hormone surge that actually caused the miscarriage.   

We'll never really know.  I love you, Matt.  With my whole heart (except the part that belongs to Jesus).

sigh*

finally friday

If you've been reading long, you know I go through stages of lots of energy and go-get-em and then I crash.  Mom calls it "high octane living."  My life is like that scene from Yes Man when Jim Carrey rolls up, hyped up on Red Bull.  He's full of energy, rarin' to go and he takes off...  Then,  few scenes later, he's CRASHED out, face down, on the path. 

Yeah, that's how I feel. 

 

Sleep.  I need SLEEP.  LOL  *yawn*

it's 11pm and I'm ok with that

For the first time in a while, I'm not sleeping but I'm not miserable either.  It's been a NUTZO week at work.  I don't know that I'd go so far as to say "fun" per se, but I got to do some crisis communication which is certainly (thankfully) out of the ordinary so it's a nice change.  It really makes you appreciate when you AREN'T in overdrive. 

So, I'm a little behind on several of my projects but they aren't big nasty deadlines and I should be able to knock them out, sitting on the couch, with my feet up. 

It's nice to get back to blogging.  In truth, I've missed the routine of rambling into cyberspace. 

Have a happy weekend!

my beloved ipod

 Ah, my nano.  Actually, it's Matt's but he gave it to me.  Isn't that delightful?  I love this little gadget.  When I do sleep, it's probably because this little music box plays all my lullabies. 

I'm an official itunes junkie now too. 

LOL

Blurry

Not sleeping is catching up to me. 

Stress wears on my stamina until I am left feeling wrung out and frazzled.  Thinking on my feet is a joke.  I am short-tempered and over-sensitive.  Any percieved criticism is met with gross offence and hurt feelings; which is dumb. 

 And I know it.

Thank goodness for my family and close friends.  They keep me anchored and provide a point upon which I can focus; rather than continue to drift in this haze of exhaustion.

goodnight, friends.

oh SO ready for spring break

The kids are tired.
The teachers are tired.
We are tired.

I'm ready for spring break, y'all. Some time away from work, school, planning (except for wedding), deadlines, etc.

Love what I do.
Love what I do.

*yawn*

Spring Fever has offically set in. I'm ready to see flowers again.

This is a random post. Stream of consciousness, much?

Home today

Munchkin woke up achy, with a fever, this morning.  So, we're home.  Now, my nose itches and I've sneezed about 100 times!  You'd think I was the one who was sick!

Now, she's coloring in a workbook and I'm sitting here, sniffling - wishing I could go back to bed.  HRMPH

I've decided "Yo Gabba Gabba" is quite possibly the MOST annoying show I've ever watched.  I know that's random. 

Oswald is on Noggin and I think this is a dreary show, too.  LOL 

Going for more coffee....

the loudest telemarketer EVER

Hey Al's - turn the volume down on your headsets!  And calling at 8pm, REALLY!?  LOLZ

I just handed the phone to Matt and let him talk to her.  He's going to throw something at me soon because I'm just laughing.  T-I-S-D? Did you say D or G? 

HAR HAR

Sarah, you know why this is FUNNY!!!

the end of an era

today, my friend and mentor, Roy Finney, went home to be with the Lord. Mr. Finney was a long time Belton High School Choir director, clinician, UIL judge, choral director at Temple College and all around good man.

Finney was a great musician, a master director and he touched the lives and hearts of many people in central Texas - including me. His musical legacy will live on in his students and the many friends and teachers that he inspired.

The world is a little emptier tonight without him. He will be greatly missed.

I will say this - if there is one more qualified to direct the choirs of angels in heaven; I've yet to meet him.