Battlefields and Painted Pumpkins

"Sometimes I just don't understand human behavior" - C3PO (Empire Strikes Back)

I so know how he feels. There are days when I just shake my head at the world and say, "why do people act that way??"

Everywhere we turn these days there are grim reminders that people just don't care about anybody else anymore unless they can profit from it. I don't know if the "good old days" really ever existed or they are just some romanticized version that we've created in our minds but these days are just sad.

I was accused today of being a surface Christian. Instead of respond to them, I just decided to let it go. Because, at the root of their accusation was defensiveness about a TOTALLY unrelated subject. The comment itself didn't hurt me at all; I know it to be false. What hurt me is that I am unable to go to that person and say, "hey, that hurt me." because they will use it to try and manipulate me and gain power over me. What it boils down to is that they don't care that it hurt me unless it can be used to their advantage. It's all about power and control.

I am the kind of person that absolutely hates conflict but sees things in life as very black and white. This is quite often a weakness and I wish I could see those many shades of gray but I just don't. This seems to lead to the inevitable and constant conflict with those who seem to live their lives in nothing but the gray areas.

I just wish that life could be simple. I don't wish for it all of the time; that's just fantasy. But, to be able to ask a question without having words, agendas, insinuations or hidden accusations FORCED by another onto a simple question to make it anything BUT simple.... *sigh* But, I guess that's not going to happen, is it?

Life is war and I just have to get it through my head that there are some things in this life that will always be a battle.

On another, much happier note; we went to our first Halloween party of the year. Baby Girl had a BLAST. She bobbed for apples, painted a pumpkin (she is such a talented artist!), played games and watched the all-time classic Halloween movie, It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. Who doesn't love that movie?? (Can I just say that Lucy never fails to disturb me??) It was a lot of fun to be with other single parents and give the kids a chance to play and the grown-ups a chance to stand back and watch them have fun in a safe place. I knew she had a good time because she was asleep FIVE minutes after I turned the lights out in her room. What a blast.

I'm pretty tired tonight too; not even the coffee is keeping the yawns away. Think I'll sign off for the night, kids.