Epiphany

Ok, epiphany time...  I find it easier to lose weight when I'm NOT working out but controlling my food intake.  When I work out, I hardly lose anything.  I think it's because I am still figuring out how to balance the increased calorie needs with the increased calorie burn that comes with working out.  My body goes into starvation mode pretty easily.  Is that because I was always too thin in my teens through the birth of my first child?

When I think back over time, food and my weight has been a touchy subject all my life.  When I get busy, pre-occupied or anxious, I quit eating.  Literally, I forget to be hungry.  Now, that sounds crazy but it really is true.  My mother was forever checking my collar-bones and grilling me about what I'd eaten.  I was always very thin - sometimes to the point of concern.  I never tried to be thin.

Then, somewhere in college, food became something else.  It was almost a weapon I would use against myself if I was unhappy.  (this conclusion was made upon looking back; when I was doing it, I was not aware of what I was doing.)  This, combined with the party lifestyle I adopted, brought my weight to near dangerous levels.  When I moved home to start UMHB, I was a size 4.  I'm nearly six foot tall.  In nobody's book is that considered healthy.

Then, as tends to happen, my metabolism slowed down in my mid-20s and I began to gain weight.  Since the birth of my first child, I've hovered around the same weight.  While I was working at the CAC, the workload, single parenthood and life, in general, triggered that no-eating cycle.  I suffered terrible stomach pain - I thought I might have an ulcer.  Everything I ate (besides ramen or salad) would hurt so I began to eat less and less.  I got down to a 10; the smallest I'd been since college.

I didn't stay that small, of course.  I started eating again eventually and didn't work out.  Then, comes the second baby and that brings us to now.

My conclusions:

• I do not know how to lose weight in a healthy way.


• I have a love/hate relationship with food.


• I am not a stress eater.  (thankfully)


• I am a stress-starver.


• I have a lot of stress in my life (even good stress is still stress; as my mother says).

What I'd like to do is lose the weight in a way I know how to lose it (control food intake) and then incorporate fitness to keep it off.  But I know all my fitness friends are already shaking their heads and saying, "you must balance fitness and nutrition at the same time in order to achieve long-term goals."  How I break this cycle and get to the weight I want without starving myself is the question of the year. I haven't had that epiphany yet. LOL

Haha - the problem with working out at night

So, I've not been very diligent about blogging this week. I shall blame that on the Insanity.

Workouts are going REALLY well. Last night I finished the entire Plyometric workout (well I skipped one of the warm up sets so I could make it through the entire circuit training but I don't feel too bad about that.). But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Let's back up to earlier in the week.

Day 3 - Cardio Recovery
I didn't know what to expect from this one because we didn't watch it before we did it. I was pleasantly surprised, them, to figure out it was going to be a break from the butt-kicking cardio for some deep-muscle yoga and stretching. well, wasn't as easy as I though it would be because 1. I was amazingly sore from the first two days of Insanity and 2. My core strength is pretty awful so yoga is REALLY hard. The result - almost as much sweating and groaning as the rest of the work-outs.

The end result, though, was great. My legs felt like jello but the soreness was GONE. I crawled into bed without Advil.

Day 4 - Pure Cardio
Only did 15 minutes of this one because my feet were hurting. It seems the Adidas Bounce shoes I've been wearing just aren't built to take the impact on my arches. Matt made me stop and that was wise. I looked at the Cardio Abs as maybe an alternative but it was Ahmed warm up set lot of jumping too; as least in the beginning so I just called it a loss.

Day 5 - Plyometrics Cardio Circuit
Back to the beginning. This time, I skipped the third warm up set to go on into the work out. I learned from the first time, the warm out wears me out and I had nothing left for the end of the circuit training. By skipping that set, I made it through the entire rest of the workout. I was hurting at the end but I did it.

Today is a rest day and I'm looking forward to taking it.

I'm enjoying it. I can't believe I'm saying that, but it's true. I can feel the difference. I'm sleeping better and I'm far more motivated to pass up the food that will undo all this hard word I'm doing. Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm not giving up Jody's. IT JUST AIN'T HAPPENING.

Ok, son this an abrupt ending but my family is getting hungry and so am I. Enjoy your Saturday. I plan to enjoy mine.

Day 2 - Cardio Strength & Resistance

This was a tough workout. I made it all the way to the end though and, frankly, fell like a bit of a rockstar for it. LOL

I know I have a long way to go and it's going to get a lot harder before it's over. It will continue to hurt. This program seems designed to kick your butt, no matter how fit you are.

I cannot do the moving push ups. No matter how hard I tried, I am just not strong enough yet to hold my body in the plank position AND move.

Ok - Day 1 - Plyometric Cardio Circuit

This was like childbirth. Hardest work you've ever done and you don't think you can go on one more minute. Then, you get a brief little break and, "ok, let's do it again."

Over and over last night, we "dug deeper" and found just a little more inside that enabled us to hang in there a little longer.  It wasn't pretty but we were doing it.  K and I made it to the last two sets before we had to stop because we just couldn't go any further. I was in tears and my legs were so shaky I couldn't hold myself up for the last two rounds of exercises.

But, considering it's been more than two years (the lead-up to the wedding) since I've had any kind of fitness regimen, I'm pretty darn proud of our start.

I'm looking forward to getting stronger and leaner. K & I pinky promised to hold each other accountable for eating well because, frankly, the idea of eating something fattening and undoing all the torture we are putting ourselves through is worse than another circuit of Shaun T's suicide jumps or mummy kicks.

Speaking of Shaun T, I am REALLY impressed with his attitude.  He's so encouraging.  Even though you KNOW it's a DVD and he's talking to a camera, when you are in the middle of arguing with yourself whether you can do one more low plank oblique, he looks straight into that camera and says, "I know it's hard but you can do this."  Corny?  Maybe.  Did it work?  YES. 

At the end, when we were sitting on the floor, crying and stretching because we couldn't finish, I felt a little sorry I couldn't find it in myself to push through to the end - it was only about 6 minutes when it all comes down to it.  But I know it's also counter-productive to push past my ability and get hurt.  I bet the next go around we WILL be able to finish.

Insanity - Day 1

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Well, it seems only fitting Insanity Workout should come to CrazyVille.

I will use this blog as a way to journal about my 60 day quest to complete Insanity. Oh, fear not, you can still count on lots of kid posts, as usual, just with a sprinkling of fitness here and there.

Starting tomorrow. *grin*. I'm too tired tonight.