Sunday, August 29, 2010

stroller, diapers and wet wipes - oh my!

The Stowaway has officially graduated to "Princess Crybaby."  She's here!!!  She made her arrival Thursday, August 26 at 2:14pm.  She weighed 8lbs, 1 oz and was 19 inches long.  She has red hair and blue eyes.  She is a doll baby; much like her older sister. 

The first night home was excruciating.  The second night was MUCH better and we've had a great day today. 

Adjusting to all the visitors, animlas and "normal" life may prove to be a challenge but we're up for it.  I'm going to take some pictures of her tomorrow for the baby book. 

I know this is a short update but I wanted to get something posted.  More to follow in the days ahead as we get in a sort of routine. 

I know this time with her is only temporary and, while I will not dwell on it, I can already tell you it's going to be a very hard time five and a half weeks from now when I have to go back to the world of adults and other peoples children. 

I will be thankful for this time and will treasure it as a gift.  I will resolve to enjoy the time with adults and look forward to time with MY children every afternoon.  This will be my resolution.

For now, though, I'm looking forward to getting to know this little girl who has been my constant companion these past months.  She is already a delight.  I didn't think it possible that God would give me another child to adore like I adore Munchkin but He did.  I am so blessed.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

letter to Munchkin

my sweetest punkin' brains

That was one of the names I called you in the hospital.  I will never forget the feeling when they gave you to me - a feeling of utter astonishment that I could have made something so beautiful.  Do you know I still feel that way every time I see you?  Just the other day I caught myself having that same feeling of breathless disbelief that something so wonderful could have, at one time, been part of my innermost parts. 

Munchkin, you are my treasure.  You are one of the very best things that has ever happened to me.  I love everything about you.  I love the way you make up silly songs.  I love the way you dance through life.  I love your pouts and dramatics.  I love listening to you read.  I love watching you sleep.  I love listening to you breathe. 

I know my being pregnant has caused you to question your place as the apple of my eye but I hope to show you every day that my heart is WAY big enough for everybody.  The Stowaway is going to be just as precious to me, in her own way, but you will always be my first. 

You were the girl who mailed her pacifiers to Santa Claus. 

The girl who defied an entire school and potty trained when SHE, not some uppity woman, was ready. 

The girl who decided one day to read and can now read anything you put in front of her.

The girl who is a dancer, singer, cheerleader, gymnast, acrobat and clown - all at the same time.

The girl who loves to laugh almost more than she loves to eat.

The girl who will slay a thousand dragons in her time because she's so smart, sassy and confident. 

My girl.

I love you so much, Munchkin.  You are the greatest gift God ever gave me and now He's giving me another one in your little sister.  I can't wait for snuggles, kisses, headaches, tantrums, hysterical laughter, tears, jokes, songs, books - all of it - with BOTH my girls. 

Love you lots and lots and lots,

Mommy

Sunday, August 22, 2010

More than bread

Despite the overwhelming success of our backpack program this year, I felt a lack of satisfaction.  A creeping sense of bitterness and cynicism linked to the effectivneness of what we'd done.  Certainly, we accomplished a great work.  We brought more partners on board than ever before; collected more donations than ever before and turned those donations and those willing hands into more backpacks than ever before. 

But did our backpacks teach anything?  Empower anyone?  Change anything?  These questions haunted me all summer because the answer was no. 

This morning, in small group, we read John 6.  It's the familiar story of the loaves and fish miracle.  Truly astounding, when you consider the number of people and limited resources.  Of course, when Jesus is over portion control, it all works out and everybody gets fed.  Beyond that first part, though, is the second part of the story.  The next day, after the storm, after the crowd meets back up with Jesus the following conversation happens:

26Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, you are looking for me, not because you saw miraculous signs but because you ate the loaves and had your fill. 27Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. On him God the Father has placed his seal of approval."

In that moment, something clicked.  In that statement, I heard the same lack of satisfaction by Jesus in the feeding of the 5000 - it was not enough that they were fed.  That wasn't what it was about.  He longed for them to realize what more he could offer; if they would just believe. 

While I would not dare compare my hopes to the filling satisfaction that is salvation, certainly there is something to be said for modeling my work/ministry after this voiced desire of Jesus? 

Yes, I believe there is a need to provide the backpacks; just as Jesus saw the need to feed the crowd.  But the true ministry is NOT the tangible thing.  It is the opportunity; the yearning to teach them something that lasts far longer than something like a nylon backpack, spiral notebooks or pencils.

I will take this next six weeks to pray and re-focus the heart of this ministry that is Partners in Education.  And, hopefully, when I return to the District in October, I will have an inspired idea. 

Now THAT is a satisfying feeling.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

end of the road in sight

Like it or not, little Stowaway, your arrival is imminent.  I know you might have it in your stubborn little brain that you can choose to stay in there forever but that's just not so.  I'd love to see you before next Thursday but next Thursday IS the day when we will see you. 

We have a doctor's appointment today and I am hopeful that we will have made enough progress to go across the street.  Coach doesn't think so (I think he just says that b/c he wants to win the bet) and Munchkin is kind of hoping you'll wait now so she can bring home the new puppy.  I'm tired of the waiting but I'm even more tired of wondering when it will happen. 

Yesterday was a great day - completely exhausting, but great.  We changed our back to school event from a convocation to a professional development conference.  SO much more relevant and I think the teachers got a lot out of it.  I did a session on social networking and how it can be dangerous to your professional reputation.  Hopefully, it was informative. 

I will post pictures of the baby dog tonight, unless we're having a baby.  :)

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Money Trees in Washington?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100810/ap_on_bi_ge/us_jobs_bill

Now, I am the very last person who would want to see teachers lose their jobs - I am related to more teachers than I can shake a stick at.  But, in all honesty, where is this money coming from? 

The billions of dollars that have been spent or promised by this administration to "shore up" "bail out" or otherwise stimulate "growth" is staggering.  What kind of real growth can be expected with all these (very, VERY expensive) band aids?? 

Genuine change must come by re-evaluating practices and fixing the root problem rather than just throwing money at the issue for a year or two.  All that will be accomplished by these millions upon millions of dollars of "aid" is to delay the inevitable.  And that is a shame. 

Obama is building a legacy of over-spending, over-promising and over-reaching.  People who don't live on government aid will end up shouldering the crushing debt he is amassing.  People like us.  Not rich folks who grimace and gripe at the tax-bill but end up being able to pay it.  Folks like us - those of us trying to save up to buy a house; those of us who wonder how on earth we are supposed to save for college for children still in elementary school; those of us who wonder what on earth saving for retirement looks like.  Folks like us who count on a little extra coming back from filing tax returns so we can replace the tires or brakes on the car or pay a little extra on a student loan or something else. 

I want to help others.  Truly.  My heart breaks for those who find themselves in desperate circumstances that may be out of their control.  And it is very hard for me to take a hard-line and penalize adults for poor decisions, knowing that it is their children who will suffer.  But then I stop myself and ask, are we not creating a new generation of people expecting to be taken care of; regardless of the reason for the need? 

Learned helplessness and generational poverty seem to be products of this new philosophy of "help everybody" but, the unfortunate truth is that we're helping nobody.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

emotionally drained

The excitement of the past weeks has caught up with me, I guess.  Getting everything ready for the move, moving, setting up the new house, having Munchkin home and waiting for the Stowaway has proved to be more emotionally exhausting than I'd anticipated.  As my mother says, "even good stress is still stress."

I had a horrible dream last night.  I dreamed the Stowaway was stillborn.  We'd come all this way only to end up with a terrible tragedy.  I know it's exhaustion.  She's moving.  The movements are smaller but that could be because we are getting close and they always settle down right before delivery.  But, last night and early this morning, my brain came up with a horrifying alternative; something is very wrong and that's why I still haven't gone past this early labor business.  And now, she's in trouble. 

If I still haven't gone into labor tomorrow, I'm going by the doc's office, just to hear her heartbeat and reassure myself that she's ok in there. 

I hate this.  I hate feeling so exposed and vulnerable. 

I just want it to be over and her to be here - safe. 

Stowaway, you don't have to come until you are ready but please be ok.  God, you are in charge of this and I totally trust your timing.  Hold the Stowaway in your hands in these last days before her birth - then I will know she's safe. 

*sigh*

Friday, August 6, 2010

random 80s songs I want to download

What have I done to deserve this - Pet Shop Boys
Send me an angel - Real Life
West End Girls - Pet Shop Boys (if I don't already have this one)
Something About You - Level 42
Always Something There to Remind Me - Naked Eyes
Human - Human League
Ordinary World - Duran Duran

Some of my very favorite 80s songs and, if I had my laptop with me tonight, I'd download them...  :)

Thursday, August 5, 2010

ugh

I hate waiting.  I know it's better for her to be in there and she'll come when she's ready and it's almost time and it won't be much longer. blah. blah. blah.

No, I am not a patient person.  Yes, I am tired and cranky because I was up until nearly 2am with our "practice run" to the hospital.  Why is it that when you are at home the contractions are timing exactly as they should, bringing tears to your eyes and making you feel like you are actually getting somewhere?  BUT, when you get to the hospital, everything stops or slows down to just "irrritability" contractions - contractions that are still timing ok and have some strength to them but aren't long enough to really make progress.  I did laugh when she (the nurse) called them irritiable contractions - she was certainly right about that. 

By midnight, I'm a pretty irritable person.  By 1:15 am, if we aren't actively in labor, I want to go home and sleep.  And that's what we did - after a run to Jack in the Box.  *laugh*

Coach was a total champ last night.  He made me laugh - putting latex gloves on his head and telling his goofy jokes which, under the stress of the moment, made me laugh hysterically.  He held my hand when I cried out of frustration (I hate practice - I want the real deal). 

I will say this about practice though: we did have a chance to figure out our strategy for getting everybody in the car (including a very sleepy Munchkin), getting her to Mom & Dads, make a few phone calls on the way and get there in good time.  I guess that's something...

So, it won't be long.  We DO want her to stay in there as long as she needs so she will be healthy.  And I know she'll come when she's ready and that's ok with me.  Really.  But, Stowaway - can we please save our practice runs for daytime hours - Mommy is NOT a night owl like Daddy.  Thanks.  Love you.  I can't wait to meet you.