Monday, September 12, 2005

My Version of Heaven

Mother and I were sitting out on the patio tonight, drinking coffee, and a funny conversation started. A beetle jumped into my lap and I FREAKED out and swatted it off. I made the comment that I hoped that there weren't bugs in heaven. Mother said that there probably would be bugs in heaven but that we wouldn't mind them. I made the crack that I'd be ok with just about anything once I get to Heaven but I will be sorely disappointed if bugs and poop make it in too. I told her that I just might want my money back.

She said that she figured there would be food in heaven, but maybe there wouldn't be any waste. I said, "oh great, we're all going to eat tofu and beansprouts?" I told her that I was pretty sure they'd be eating pizza in hell, so maybe that's where I'd rather be, if we're just talking about the food. The good thing is, she and God knows I'm kidding.

The conversation got me thinking, though. What do I think heaven will be like?

When I was a little girl, I remember asking my mother if my teddybear, Cuddles, would be there. Her response was something along the lines of, "you will have EVERYTHING that you need in Heaven." To a six year old girl, Cuddles the bear is a definite need.

I think Heaven is going to be much like my ideal version of "smalltown USA" around the turn of the century. Everybody knows each other and has time to stop and visit. There are no HOV lanes, no traffic jams and everybody either walks or rides a bicycle everywhere. I imagine that, like the movie, What Dreams May Come, you can choose to look different in Heaven, if you'd like. I might like very much to be a little girl again.

I imagine blocks of little farmhouses with little shutters and window boxes and streets lined with trees. I imagine town squares with little shops that have lots of window dressings. I imagine a general store with hard wood floors and long, glass display cases.

I would like to live next door to my grandparents, both of whom are already in heaven. My house would look very much like the house in which I currently live, except that the floors would all be real hardwoods and would stay clean. Heaven isn't going to be hot (obviously) so I want white curtains with battenburg lace that will move with the breeze that comes in open windows. I'll have screen doors that never have to be locked.

In my yard, I'll have all of the gerbera daisies that I tried and tried to grow here, but failed. I will have bushes of big purple hydrangea and a vegetable garden that never has to be weeded out in the back. In the afternoons, I'll sit out on my front porch, in a tall wooden rocker and enjoy a nice visit.

There will, of course, be church. Every night. That's how we'll finish our day.

The bible talks about the singing in heaven and how spectacular it will be. I imagine some of the singing to be a lot like the Concordia Choir's version of Rene Clausen's Magnificat. Just stunning.

Jesus will come to dinner and say the blessing and Jeremiah will help in the yard. David will come over and will, while we're sitting on the front porch, sing some of the Psalms.

And Cuddles the bear will definitely be there.

That's what I imagine heaven will be like.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Now THAT Was a Good Party



Today I hosted 14 of my closest friends and family at my house to help celebrate my daughter and little brother's birthdays. I have planned and planned this and it came off without a hitch today.

Well, we did make one minor plan change but it actually turned out better than I thought, so I'm glad I did it. I was originally going to make a pavilion in the yard but had to move plans under the carport because at 3:30 today, it started POURING down rain.

It looked so good. I hung strands of Christmas lights through the rafters and tied long strips of fabric to the beams to give a softer, more welcoming look. Everybody really liked it and it really turned out to be a very colorful and creative idea.

Now, I'd already put most stuff up and started taking things down by the time I took this picture, but it at least gives you an idea of what I did. When I get the other pictures off of the other camera, I'll post them here.

It was a VERY fun day. Had another person tell me I should be an event planner. I do love a good party and get a very big kick out of planning and pulling them off. Gives me something to think about. *scratches head* Well, it's midnight and it's been a very long day. Night, kids.

Friday, September 9, 2005

Fridays are the BEST

Baby Girl is sitting on her little stool, by my desk, with a Bath & Body Works shopping bag on her head. It's one of the paper kind and it looks rather like a very tall hat. She looks very funny and she's getting quite a kick out of the fact that I'm laughing at her.

We're having a party tomorrow night, to celebrate Baby Girl AND my little brothers birthday. Fortunately, there won't be many children here. I took cupcakes to her school so I wouldn't have to try and pull off a mammoth party at home. I figure I still have at least one more year to get away with it. But, her uncle and aunt, Nana & Papa and lots of family friends will be here.

I still have so much to do but I tried a new barbeque place today and it was WONDERFUL and now all I can do is think about napping. *laugh*

Well, I know this is short but I am typing with my eyes closed and I still have fighting with the sprinklers to look forward to. So ... much ... to ... do ... *yawn* Maybe I'll just lay down for a minute. zzzzzzzzzz...

Tuesday, September 6, 2005

Not Today

Ok, so last night I was suffering from a very real case of the mommy moodies. Today was a great day. I woke up before she did, got out the griddle and then went in to wake her up (which I never get to do because she gets up so dang early most mornings). She was so sweet when she opened her eyes and I was right there. She smiled that little smile up at me and I said "Happy Birthday, honey." Know what she said next?? "Can I have Birthday cake?" *giggle*

So we had mickey mouse pancakes and I let her blow out a candle that I'd stuck in the middle of the first pancake. She loved it.

I dropped off cupcakes at her school (I didn't stay just in case a "moment" came back around) and went birthday shopping. Childrens books are RIDICULOUSLY expensive. I hate shopping alone; have I ever mentioned that?? Well, that's another conversation.

She had a great day. The pants I got her for her birthday party are too big and I'll have to go back and exchange them. UGH. (see my comment above about shopping alone)

The Care Bear movie was on tonight and you'd have thought I planned it that way. I turned it on and she looked at me like I was Santa Claus.

As I was turning out the light tonight I asked her if she had a good birthday. She said, "oh yes. Thank you. I love you, mommy. Night night." How great is that??

Monday, September 5, 2005

Mommy Moments

The day before her third birthday was a busy day for Baby Girl. Not much this morning, but I've become accustomed to her being gone in the mornings. It was nice to have her home the day before her birthday, but STILL.. No coffee time this morning. *laugh*

She had her pictures taken this afternoon but before we could do that she HAD to have a haircut. She was starting to look like the reincarnation of one of the Beatles. She usually fusses a bit because the stylist has to spray her hair down and Baby Girl isn't big on water in her face. Today, she was GREAT. No fussing, no fighting. I even think she enjoyed herself.

So we get back to the house and she's sleepy but she knows she's having her picture taken at 3 so there is NO way she's going to sleep. After almost an hour, I made her get on the couch and at least lay down next to me and rest.

Needless to say, those girls at the photographers had to WORK for those smiles today. But, I think they got some really cute pictures. The last shot they took really got me. It was this little silhouette of just her face and I was struck to the core by how sweet she looked. Like an angel. That's when it hit me that she is going to be three tomorrow. Where did the time go? I can't believe it's already been three years. This time three years ago, I was scrambling around trying to decorate the house for the ex's birthday because he'd made a big fuss that evening because I hadn't planned anything. Regardless of the fact that I was technically due at any moment and had been through one pre-term labor scare and was supposed to be "resting" as much as possible, right? So, I stayed up half of the night getting the house ready for his birthday. *pats self on the head* At least I figured it out eventually.

So, I finally crawled into bed around 2:30am and my water broke at 5:30am. I knew this because my ex woke up (for some reason) and went into the living room to smoke. I woke up thinking, "all of that work and he's going to ruin my surprise." Then I felt it. I walked (very carefully) into the living room and said, "honey, I think my water broke." His response was, "are you sure?" *laugh* I don't know why, but for some reason I had that picture in my head of the husband jumping up out of his chair, rushing out the door for the car, in his underwear upon hearing those words. Needless to say, I think we were both too sleepy to do that. *giggle*

Upon realizing that we were going to have a baby for ex's birthday, I also realized that the house was a WRECK because I had decorated it from top to bottom (told you I was up most of the night) for his birthday. Somewhat crazy but very logically, I decided to go ahead and clean things up before we left for the hospital. Now, remember, my water broke at 5:30. We called the hospital and they were like, "COME ON IN." I cleaned up the house, took a shower, got dressed and finally, around 7:00am, we were on our way. We lived 40 minutes from the hospital (we'd moved two weeks before - thanks ex) but, miraculously, ran into no traffic. AMAZING, when you consider it was 7am on a Friday.

Things went amazingly smooth at the hospital. I had WONDERFUL nurses and very few problems. Baby girl was born at 2:38pm on Friday, September 6, 2002.

Regardless of the events after her birth and how quickly her father deteriorated into a raving madman, for that brief moment, we were a family in every sense of the word. It was the best day of my life. I will forever look back on that day and thank God that He brought her into my life.

I can't believe this precious little girl calls me "Mommy". I pray every day that I have the courage to be anything close to what she needs and that, through my being her Mother, she grows into a wonderful young woman.

I pray that God will gift her with the foresight that saves her the heartache I have had to experience by loving too much and taking my empathy for others' pain and turning it into trying to save them from the consequences of their bad decisions. That I would get my own hopes and ambitions out of the way when she is ready to take those first steps out of the nest because, if I've done my job, she has what she needs to make those decisions on her own. I love. I hope. I pray.

God, this precious little girl doesn't belong to me. You have entrusted this most precious little miracle to me and I humbly ask that you keep her in your sights. That you would strengthen my heart when I feel weak. That you would bolster my courage when I feel afraid and that you would keep giving me days like today when I catch glimpses of that tiny baby in that little girl's smile. Amen.

Friday, September 2, 2005

A Beginner's Guide to Opera

Ok, before I make my list, I will put this out there - mine is by no means an "expert" opinion. I sang opera and I'm a soprano which means that I'm pretty opinionated about the productions and singers that I like. The shows that I'll list and singers that I'll recommend are based upon MY opinion and the feedback I've received from other opera newbies that I've "guided" into opera.

I am of the opinion that almost anybody can come to love opera, as long as they are guided by somebody that 1. truly LOVES opera and 2. takes the time to ease them into it. Wagner's Ring Cycle is a tremendous work but even I, a seasoned opera fan, wouldn't try and sit through it. It's too much.

Ok, having said that, here we go. I'll put the name of the opera and then the composer. I'll even go so far as to recommend a specific singer, if I think that they really define the role. It would take up too much space to put a real synopsis in, but if you are interested in a specific opera there are a zillion great books and websites totally devoted to that kind of thing. My favorite book is: A Night at the Opera by Sir Denis Forman and my favorite website is http://www.metoperafamily.org/metopera/discover/stories/. It lists the stories of EVERY opera ever performed at the Metropolitan Opera.

1. La Boheme - G. Puccini. This is, for your viewing dollar, the BEST value with the best story and music. All around one of the very best operas out there. It has a little bit of everything; TWO love stories, a LOT of comedy and even a bit of tragedy. You will laugh and cry. The singing is some of Puccini's best. Dame Kiri de Kanawa is a WONDERFUL Mimi.

2. Le Nozze di Figaro (Marriage of Figaro) - A. Mozart. While this is not one of my personal favorites, it is an excellent example of Mozart's genius. The music is beautiful and there are lots of really entertaining twists in the story. Some of the most famous arias in the world are from this opera. It is another one that has both laughter and sadness in it. Figaro makes everybody laugh and the Countess will make you cry with her beautiful and sad "Porgi Amor". Bryn Terfel is a GREAT Figaro.

3. Il barbiere di Siviglia (Barber of Seville) - G. Rossini. Arguably, the greatest comedic opera of all time. Everybody knows it because we've all watched Bugs Bunny; we just didn't realize that's what we were watching. Everybody enjoys actually seeing somebody besides Tom & Jerry or Elmer Fudd singing "Figaro" ("Largo al factotum"). It's LOTS of fun. Coincidentally, it has many of the same characters as Le Nozze di Figaro; isn't that handy??

4. Turandot - G. Puccini. This is operatic spectacle at it's best. I can only recommend this one to beginners if you can go and SEE it. What makes this opera so magical is the sheer magnitude of the story. This was the first opera that I ever attended and it was the opera that opened the door to my desire to be on stage. A FABULOUS story. Luciano Pavarotti has made "Nessun Dorma" possibly the most famous tenor aria in history. Turandot was Puccini's last opera; he died before it was completed. On it's premiere night, Toscanini stopped the performance after Liu's suicide aria and supposedly said, "it was here that the Maestro laid down his pen," and he left the building and did not complete the performance of the opera. Needless to say, there was a RIOT. Can you imagine?

5. La Traviata - G. Verdi. This is another great opera because the heroine is doomed from the get-go. There have been countless copies of this story in modern film. Take for example - Moulin Rouge; Traviata story. Camille (Greta Garbo); Traviata story. Get the picture? Incredibly powerful music and a fantastic death scene at the end. Breaks your heart. BRAVO! This was the opera that Julia Roberts and Richard Gere went to see in "Pretty Woman".

6. Tosca - G. Puccini. This is a heavyweight in that there is VERY little comedy. It is tragic from the first curtain. For sheer drama, Tosca is a masterpiece. What makes it so great is that EVERYBODY dies. I mean EVERYBODY. When the curtain falls on Act III, there is not a single principal character alive. Not just their death makes it great but, rather, the way in which they die. AWESOME stuff. This is not family-friendly, though, folks. Even though it's in Italian, if you plan on going to see it, be very clear that this opera contains adult topics like political corruption, murder, torture, blackmail, extortion, execution and suicide. For your viewing pleasure, I would recommend this version - Placido Domingo's "E lucevan le stelle" is absolutely heart-breaking. He is my favorite tenor ALIVE. His Cavaradossi is magnificent. This is his best role. Pavarotti may be "THE" tenor of the century, but Domingo is the better actor. In this production (see picture), Hildegard Behrens does not have a young voice anymore. She does not look like a young woman; heck she's NOT young. But her Tosca is THRILLING. When she stands over Scarpia, the hair WILL stand up on your neck.

That should get you started. I'll add more as I come across them. I'll put in a few more comedies in the second installment.

Down From the Ledge

Ah, for all of my mother's quirkiness, she certainly has the wonderful ability to talk me down out of the tree. I was all ready to jump off of the cliff and tell my boss where he could put his "DRAW" when she called me today. She helped me remember that I'm not a 21-year old kid with no child and no steady financial responsiblities. I am almost 30 with a three year old and a house to take care of.

Needless to say, that extinguished most of my urge to throw a total tantrum and set that particular bridge on fire.

Ok, so I'm actively hunting a job. I mean, banging on doors is my total focus. I've already applied at a few places and have talked to my old boss about getting my old job back. Yes, it drove me crazy but it was a straight salary with benefits. It's all about sacrifices, man.

"Houston, We Have a Problem"

So I get paid yesterday and I noticed that there was no commission from the case I sold. *scratches head* Thinking to myself, "you know, that case just went live 8/1, they may not have straightened out all of the commssion details yet. You'll most likely see it in September's check." Still, erring on the side of caution (you know what happens when you assume things), I dropped a really quick email to our office manager and asked her about it. Here is her response:

"The commission from any accounts written will go against the draws that you have been receiving. Did you understand that to be different? "

UM, YEAH! What on EARTH have I been busting my chops for then? That was NOT what I signed on for. In my contract, it says that I am to be paid a SALARY and then it gives the commission schedule. UM, did any one of those words sound like a DRAW?

If it turns out that this is truly the case, I may quit my job today. No, I don't have another job lined up. I will truly be stepping out on faith that God will provide. Yes, I can do this. *deep breath*

I am so mad right now I could spit nails. Since that is the case, I'd probably better keep my mouth shut, huh? Wouldn't do to be flailing nails at people.

*ggrrr*